Pulling Your Own Strings:

Three Keys to Personal Power

We all face potentially stressful situations every day in life and work.  Why do some of us get “stressed out,” while others remain relatively calm?  Do some understand “don’t sweat the small stuff” (and that it’s all small stuff)?  Do others react by “fight or flight,” instead of rolling with the flow?

I once heard of a seventh grade English teacher who, when confronted with potential stressful events, had discovered the art of “how to flow.” Her class of 22 students had decided to drop their large literature books at precisely the same time. Their purpose was to “stress out” their teacher. As she wrote an assignment on the board and the second hand of the clock hit 12, twenty-two books struck the floor at once creating a loud noise. To the class’s surprise, the teacher continued writing without showing the least amount of tension. Moments later she walked to her desk, picked up her own book, dropped it, and responded with a smile, “Sorry I was late.”

The students left class that day thinking and talking about what had happened.  How did the teacher remain so calm in the midst of chaos? Why did she not react in the same way as the math teacher two days earlier who had a “mini nervous breakdown?” What was her secret and what did she know that most others did not?

KEY 1: EXERCISE RESPONSE-ABILITY 

Eleanor Roosevelt once said, “No one can upset you unless you first give them permission.” The young teacher chose not to let the book-dropping incident disrupt her morning. She simply, yet gently, passed the problem back to its rightful owners.

Many people approach their entire workday or week with the opposite response. They permit numerous hassles in daily life to determine their moods for the rest of the day or week. Then they give away their personal power by blaming their mothers, their bosses, the weather, their customers, and even the devil. This victim-like thinking – “he, she and it did this to me”– simply makes an event into a problem. While it is true that external events contribute to our degree of stress, they do not cause it. The events we become stressed over, the degree of our stress, the amount of time we remain stressed and the ways we manage stress are largely a matter of choice. It is our response-ability.

KEY 2: DON’T TAKE IT PERSONALLY

A Greek philosopher once said, “people are not disturbed by things but by the views they take of them.” Many people approach the ever changing and competitive business climate by taking every encounter personally. Such a view only triggers emotions of hurt, anger and depression. Others suffer “burn-out or compassion fatigue.” Imagine me telling you that my career life goal is to become a major league umpire. Moments later I confess that I don’t like conflict, am extremely sensitive to rejection, and tend to get my feelings hurt easily. You would likely laugh at such a scenario because you know by the third inning I would be an emotional basket case. If we choose to work at umpiring baseball, sales or customer service, emergency medicine, marriage, or parenting, we had better accept that a degree of hassle, conflict, and headache goes with the territory. We can accept it without liking it. We can take it seriously without taking it personally.

KEY 3: MAINTAIN YOUR SENSE OF HUMOR

The third key to developing personal power is the ability to remain playful through a perspective of humor. The teacher simply knew how to “chill.” Such a perspective helped keep her calm, and it also had a calming effect on her entire class.

Some years ago a dramatic news story aired on national television about an explosion and massive fire of an Atlanta manufacturing plant. A young fireman dangling from line attached to a helicopter hovering above the crisis scene was reaching for the hand of a man trapped on a crane several stories high. At a critical moment when smoke and flames were about to engulf the structure supporting the frightened man, the fireman yelled, “Your boss said you could knock off early today.” After the successful rescue, the fireman told a reporter that his humorous quip in this stressful moment was a way to keep himself and the man calm and focused.

By remaining playful, the teacher taught her class more than English literature. The students learned that when someone tries to “pull your strings,” you have a choice in how you respond.

Don’t take things personally and keep your sense of humor.  If you take this approach, potentially stressful events may become insignificant in the big picture.